love is health
"The smoke is a bit dramatic."4/23/2020 *trigger warning for anyone squeamish about surgical procedures or "gory" stuff.*
I had one of the most empowering experiences of my life today. I had my re-excision surgery (where my doctor goes back in to remove the remnants of the tumor missed in surgery last week.) Y'all - I got to stay awake for it. AND - I got to watch it live as it took place. My surgeon trusted me enough to be still the entire time (about an hour), offered me a mirror so I could have a better view, and conversed with me for the duration of our time together. She empowered me with knowledge of what she was doing to my body, answered my questions as she worked, and never for a second was irritated by my inquiry. She welcomed it. It felt like genuine teamwork - my role being to tell her if I felt unwell, her role to educate me on what was happening to my body, while doing it. I watched as she made her incisions, cauterized some bleeds, extracted the tissue (about the size of my thumb) and stitched me up. She frequently checked in with me to ensure I was okay, and cracked jokes along the way, making us both laugh. We talked about how she seemed like a magician, prompting her to make the comment "the smoke is a bit dramatic" while cauterizing me. It was her way of checking in with me to ensure I was okay with it (I was.) She even showed me what she removed. It was the first time she's ever had a patient who wanted to watch, and the first time I've been awake during surgery. It. was. AWESOME. If you can tolerate it, and you have the opportunity, I highly recommend it. It was truly empowering to not lose consciousness during a significant bodily event. It's worth nothing, 8 years ago (before my first treatment), I would pass out from a blood draw. I hated needles. The sight of blood made me lightheaded. This feels like a weird and proud accomplishment in bravery. I'd be lying if I said I weren't squeamish about it at first. My curiosity and anxiety were certainly at odds with each other, and I said as much. But over time, my surgeon put me at ease. She seemed to really enjoy the conversation, and worked on me like someone who enjoys crafting and shaping. We agreed that we are kindred spirits, more driven my our curiosity than by our fear. It was lovely. In related news, AC-T chemo will start in about 2 weeks, and it will be pretty intense. Luke and I are definitely going to have to dig deep over the course of 20 weeks while we adjust to that new new normal. It's going to be a long road, but it's worth the long, healthy life ahead of me.
1 Comment
Turd Ferguson
4/24/2020 09:36:54 am
That is fabulous! I am well acquainted with that journey of tolerance, curiosity, and engagement. I have opted to be conscious and as engaged as the docs would meet me though a few procedures myself. What a perfect, wonderful surgeon you have! Hug her for me.
Reply
Leave a Reply.AboutSnapshots in time across a span of years managing breast cancer Archives
June 2020
Categories
All
|