love is health
Emergence12/15/2013 It's day 11 after my final chemotherapy cycle. I am officially out of my nadir - meaning my cell count is replenishing. Things will only get better. I am feeling like a beast after a 50+ hour work week and an un-eventful nadir. I feel like I am winning at life right now. My spirit hasn't felt this good since I was last on skates.
Something in me clicked today. While poring through pictures of my league's last game of the season, an overwhelming jealousy bubbled in my chest. I need to get back to the track. Every derby desire was re-awakened, previously stifled by hospital stays, surgical masks, side effects, and the hangover-like lethargy that comes post treatment. The fog is clearing, and my focus is sharpening on rebuilding my body. I will be a better machine, because I have proven to myself that I can get through a multitude of challenges without crumbling. I am anti-fragile. For the first time in months, my body is itching to run. To be outside. To move quickly, swiftly, and powerfully. All consideration for caution and delicacy are dissipating. I need to get back to the track. I need to feel my body colliding against someone else's until they drop to the floor. I need that nervous, frenetic twitch that lies behind the jammer line, that quiver of anticipation of the whistle to blow. Tomorrow I will go to the gym for the first time since my mastectomy in August. Beast mode is engaged. Until then - don't be surprised if you see me running near/ at Phoenix College today. It's go time.
1 Comment
AboutSnapshots in time across a span of years managing breast cancer Archives
June 2020
Categories
All
|