love is health
It was the familiarity of it all which made it all the more bizarre. It's like I was reliving spring of 2013 all over again, this time with a much happier outcome, but still no solid answers.
For nearly 2 weeks, I've been experiencing some pain in my healthy, right breast. Originally not concerned by it, I thought I would let it pass. After much whining and concern about it laying in bed at night, (much like 2013), Luke urged me to get it checked out. Days passed, then a whole week, and nothing changed. Much like in 2013 after noticing that my symptoms were persistent, it was time to take action. However, this is where the departure from the past emerges. Instead of assuming worst case scenario last (like you would with a healthy, active 30 year old), it felt like worst care scenario was assumed first. After a brief chat with my care manager, she wanted me to come into the clinic asap, or first thing the next morning, at the very latest. The urgency didn't match how I felt, which left me feeling a bit nervous. I was otherwise very healthy, active, and feeling great. So why the urgency? Why couldn't this wait for an appointment at a later date? I called the evening nurse on call to see if I could get out of having to come in the next morning - no dice. I called again this morning explaining to my care manager that I feel otherwise happy, normal, active, and healthy. No sign of infection, no lumps or bumps. "Given your age, well, we'd rather be safe than sorry". The annoying truth about being a young cancer survivor is that our risk for recurrence or new tumors is higher than the average cancer population. It will always be something we worry about, even when all feels and seems great. It's certainly something our medical providers worry about, knowing just how aggressive cancers are in younger populations. I felt myself having the very same thoughts I had in 2013. "What are the odds that something is seriously wrong? I mean, I am happy, healthy, and active. The likelihood of getting struck by lightning twice can't possibly merit this urgency". Yet to the clinic I went. On the way there, I received a call from a different nurse, also urging me to get to the clinic as soon as I could. After gently trying to convince my nurse this was no big deal (and failing, btw) I was back in my clinic - like being at old stomping grounds. The urgency of the messaging was starting to concern me. After an examination and diagnostic mammogram, I was reassured that things are looking healthy and normal. Of course you can imagine the relief in hearing this - confirmation of what I already felt to be true. While I still don't know why my breast has been feeling "off", I am glad to know I am well. While irritated by the urgency and alarming nature of it all (after all, I cleared a morning of interviews and an afternoon of meetings for this) I can lay in bed tonight without the fear of "what if". I would take a day of inconvenience over weeks of a heavy heart, any day.
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